Well, after all my slagging off of retail giant Tesco (did you know that £1 in every £8 spent in the UK goes to Tesco?), I thought there’d been some action on their part to rectify their shocking failings in customer care.
Look what was waiting for me on my bed when I got in from work tonight:
After declining replacement flowers for the ones that were killed in transit, it seemed that they’d decided to send me some afterall. Aawww, how sweet of them.
Imagine my horror when I opened the box to find this:
Poor little Max! Murdered by the Mob.
Accompanying his stiffened little body was a note:
I wish Tesco every luck with their venture into the US market.
No cats were harmed in the making of this blog post. Even Tesco aren’t evil enough to murder a family pet… give them time though, give them time.
The Snoring Dog 
Ah! sweet blessed relief, your blog is back.
And I see you’re feeling chipper too, abusing cats and wot.
My mum is pushing up daisys.
Can Tesco get me a new one?
did you have to break its legs to get it in there?
Yey you’re back.
Very funny as ever.
Fuck, you really can buy just about everything from Tesco.
Who are all these people?
Didn’t need to spit a mouth full of coffee on my keyboard. Try not to be so funny, heh.
Dunno Herge, it’s quite scary. How’s the kidney/back/aneurysm?
Trump. If you must know, little Max had both of his hips and pelvis shattered in an RTA when he was young. He is quite capable of breaking his own legs.
Just Sayin’ thinks it’s funny to be sent a dead cat in a flower box. Some people are just SICK!
‘shamefaced’. comment taken back.
Oh never you mind about Max. If he’s daft enough to get run over, then he shouldn’t worry about having the piss taken out of him.
Oh I SO wanted to see a dead cat in a box. I’ve never seen one before.
Damn. I get nothing me.
I know! I’ll send you a mouse in a box for him. Dead, of course.
Followed by a spider.
Then a pigeon.
Then a stuffed turd.
And a yoghurt.
What flavour yoghurt?
Tesco have obviously been interfering with your blog as well.
Corporate corner shop slaying bastards.
The perfect-shaped box for a cat. SO pleased Max was smart enough to discover as such.
I do think Tesco should’ve sent new flowers AND refunded the money. Do they not know the blog powerhouse (not to mention her cat) they are messing with?
I almost pity Tesco.
The yorgurt is smoked haddock flavour.
Or you can have boiled sprout flavour if you prefer.
I am so fucked off with Blogger right now that I could fucking well exfuckingPLODE! Pile of shite.
Where are my tablets?
Never mind the tablets, what fucking flavour of yoghurt do you want? I need to get it out of the bin!
Yes. We concur. Blogger is shite.
*laughs at the plebs on the cheapskate service who then have a nerve to complain*
Ungrateful cunts. It’s not cheap to run this service you know.
Yeah, but blogger (when it works, which in all fairness is most of the time) is very user friendly.
Haddock please.
Hiya Sniffy, glad your back.
Missed you. Ciouldnot find you.
I agree with Herge… who are these people? Where did you find them?
Cats will insinuate themselves anywhere, won’t they? You mean they didn’t send you anything else by way of compensation? Bastards.
That was WAY TOO FREAKING FUNNY! “Every little bit helps…” ha!
I’m so glad that I can see your blog again! I missed you.
Are you healing well?
Well, just let Tesco come over here. Walmart will kick their ass. Guaranteed. Unless Walmart owns stock in Tesco, or vice-versa. How scary.
We had to do some calling around to several local Walmarts to try to find a particular model of a toaster oven tonight, and husband made the mistake of trying to go into detail; I’m rolling my eyes at him and making facial gestures (trust me, it’s possible) and he’s says DO YOU WANT TO TALK TO THEM? NO, I don’t, but you’re not talking to anybody from THIS country, are you? He says no. Well GOOD fucking luck then, dude.
Sure enough. Nobody he’s talking to has a clue.
Why are men such cunts? Walmart needs no details – just make, model, color, where it ought to be located, and wait. He’s giving them price info, how many racks, colors he doesn’t want, stuff like that.
Ah well. Gotta love ’em.
—
P.S. – why isn’t your Comments thing letting me do HTML tags now? Huh? Like the common strike /strike? Wazzup?
As he critic said: “I laughed a lot”.
That, my dear, was hilarious.
Will someone tell these feckin’ letter T’s to behave themselves. Thank you.
Haven’t you got it yet? Any weirdness is currently down to Blogger. I have no control over anything at the moment.
I may start shopping at Tesco if they have a discreet elimination service…
I may start shopping at Blogger if they can improve my typing
Maybe blogger ate my other site? Asswipes.
Adorable, funny and sweet. I’ll buy flowers from them when they open up over here, and I’ll tell them you sent me.
Shocking1 If this were true I would be honour bound to use my immense literary and financial clout to seek vengence on your behalf.
Kind Regards