Oh my life!

These holes in my head have been blocked since December and they’re showing no signs of releasing me from the daily torture of nasal gore.

Each morning, I awake with the instant need to expel the demons from my nostrils and I am met with at least three tissues worth of vileness. Hardened pea skins mixed with blooded bleurgh and red and green snot. The rest of the day my drips constantly, but no sneezing, which is one minor saving grace to this predicament.

My poor brain is lacking in oxygen; I could be doing anything that I have no awareness of. Your honour.

Even the milder nights that afford the opening of the bedroom window bring little relief.

So much stuff has been shoved up my nose and in my mouth in an attempt to bring some blessed remission, yet nothing works. Tonight, I have resorted to this:

It’s a sinus washout pot and you do this with it:

That’s it: you fill it with a warm solution of whatever it is they provide with the thing, shove it up your nostril, tilt your head, et voila! it comes out of the other nostril, supposedly cleaning out all the sinus crap along the way.

I’m not convinced. I just feel like I’ve been swimming upside down in chlorinated water.

But don’t I look young in those photos? They’ve been retrieved from my old blog, which was far more entertaining and not at all censored like this one is. Poor me, life has aged me beyond my years. Or maybe it’s my sinuses, eating away at the life force within me.

I’ll report back in tomorrow and let all ten of you know whether it’s worked. Of course, any sinus headache will have nothing whatsoever to do with the bottle of wine I drank tonight.

Tally ho!