The children’s TV character Worzel Gummage was a scarecrow who could swap his head to match any particular occasion.  “I gots me thinkin’ ‘ead on.”  “I gots me singin’ ‘ead on.”  “I gots me ‘andsome ‘ead on.”

Most of Worzel’s transformations were quite scary, but the visible signs that he’d changed from one character attribute to another were nice and obvious.  Everybody could see which Worzel they were dealing with and limited their expectations to each particular one.

When we encounter people, unless they’re displaying extremes of emotion, we can’t tell which head they happen to be wearing at that moment, well I find it difficult sometimes.  I’m not one to externalise my emotions, not generally, but I think everyone could pick up that I had my “I’m in a foul mood, don’t talk to me” head on.  Because of what that particular head made me do yesterday, I’ve been wearing my “thumping head” today.  This is the one where, inside, I am punching myself in the head continuously; like those machines at Ikea that used to kick bits of furniture years on end.  Mobelfakta, that was it.

I’ll be wearing my thumping head for quite some time I think.  But at least it’s me who’s doing the punching and not somebody else.

Silly games

I’ve been playing an online Scrabble game for a few weeks.  I’m shit at Scrabble, but this is good because I can’t have arguments with people about the validity of their words – the game decides for you.  It’s a bit odd because words like “OK” and “jew” aren’t seen as valid, yet those such as “xi”, “qi” and “ae” are.  Even my spellchecker doesn’t recognise them.

I’d been enjoying a high-scoring game with another cheat opponent for a couple of days and today, they messaged me: “Before I start flirting, are you male of female?”

Another instance that would normally elicit a roll of the eyeballs had me dealing another crashing blow to my temple

“Err, I’m female and I’m gay,” I responded, thinking that my opponent was a bloke.

“Ha! So am I!” came the response.

“ADRIENNNNNNE!!!!” the blood was oozing from multiple lacerations on my head at this point.

“Lol, you top or bottom? I top”

KNOCKOUT!

Deary, deary me.  Anyway, she thrashed my 60 points and we’re having a rematch.

I’ve been threatened with a rematch at Lego Lord of the Rings on some games console thing next weekend.  I played this last week, didn’t have a clue what was going on, so kept turning myself into Gandalf and killing my teammates.  Much more fun than hunting for clues and solving riddles.

Vietato fumare

I think that’s Italian for something.  I don’t think it’s Italian for “can I have a go on your tits” because they have signs with that written on them up all over the place over there.  Then again, who can tell with the Italians?

I’ve been smoking myself stupid, drinking too much, not eating and not sleeping for a few weeks.  All this has got to stop. Starting now.  The thing is, the great thing about smoking is that it gives you the opportunity to go outside and look at the night sky, which has been beautiful recently.

It hasn’t fallen in, not quite, there will be others.