Here is a (hopefully) hypothetical question.
If you had to spend some time in hospital would you prefer your bed to be in:
- A single room
- An open “Nightingale” ward of up to 20 beds (mixed sex)
- A smaller side ward of 4 beds (single sex)
- A twin room with en suite bathroom facilities (single sex)
…all with access to Patientline of course.
Taking option 1 out of the picture – because that doesn’t really happen here – I know which one I certainly WOULDN’T be going for and that is the twin room option. Imagine being trapped in a room with another occupant who can’t help wanting to strike up a conversation, but the only person available for them to converse with is YOU!
Jesus, I’d rather die. Actually, I’d willingly buy them £20 Patientline credits so they could watch TV, shut the fuck up and leave me alone.
Connie has been transferred to a twin room on her new ward. It’s a great room, really modern, with fantastic facilities, but the downside is having to share with somebody who gets wheeled back in to the room and introduces herself by saying, “I’ve just come back from having a camera shoved up me bum; they thought I had cancer, but I’ve not.”
Nice to meet you too, I’m sure.
“Do you want a biscuit, love?” (“Love”)
“No thank you, I’m diabetic, I can’t have any.”
Two minutes later, she was at Connie’s bedside “Would you like a biscuit, love?”
“No thank you, I’m diabetic, but thanks anyway.”
Not that being diabetic has ever stopped my mother from indulging in sugary food.
Imagine being trapped in that situation. What is wrong with people that they have to talk to you? Just fuck off, for fuck’s sake. I felt like sneaking in and hiding in the en suite so I could creep out in the dead of the night and wheel her bed away from my mum. Preferably down three flights of stairs a la Carry on Nurse/Doctor.
Hamster
Did anybody see that story about the pissed up students who tried to post a live hamster to somebody? Dickheads.
Sniffy
Being paranoid about people from work finding my blog, I’m not going to move for full anonymity, but I’ve just changed my display name to Sniffy to make it less obvious that it’s my blog at first glance if somebody should stumble across it. Not that I should have to explain anything to anyone, but that’s why.
Why am I paranoid about people from work reading my blog? Well, they think I’m weird enough as it is and I don’t want to make it even any worse.
The Snoring Dog 
Bit fucking late to go all anon ain’t it?
What about that period of about 6 months where you published pics of yourself everyday?
Well?
Is that you at mine leaving all the anon comments?
Just get your mum to scream out “Nurse, Nurse, she’s talking again”
Once should be enough.
I’ve posted stick insects to an enemy.
Issue your mother with a Twix multi-pack.
She can beat the mad crone to death with it.
It seems the woman would not be deterred by headphones either.
I honestly don’t know what I’d pick, ward-wise. Maybe the 4-top?
Stupid drunk students.
Shop online today. Forget driving to the mall when you can just click the mouse and order from your favorite store. No traffic to deal with
Not being completely antisocial, I’d go for the twin or the 4 people, single sex.
Sorry gents, but you’re difficult enough to deal with when I’m well. I might just beat your sick, flatulent selves to death with a bedpan.
The WCM had beans for lunch today. Can you tell I’m irked?
Yes, Herge, you’re right. I just changed the name because I liked it. No, not me leaving anonymous comments at your place – although I left a couple by mistake when I forgot to log on to comment the other day.
Stick insects SID? That’s sick.
Thanks to nice people at Bupa, I always get a single room.
I don’t think I’d be able to cope with all those sick bastards in the other beds in a ward. Never know what you might catch from them.
And I want to be able to burp and fart in private, thank you.
So single room for me every time.
I’d go for a private nurse in a very short uniform, pandering to my every need in the comfort of my own home.
Or even a French Maid.
French?
Milk?
I practically insist that people at work read my blog. Although they all have an aversion to commenting.