For some reason, I woke up at 1am with really hot knees and shins. I couldn’t get back to sleep till gone 3. By this time, I’d resorted to a cocodamol and, well, let’s just say I was ovulating and I had to do something about it… twice.
My life’s a goddam laugh a minute.
I had a recent e-mail request from a reader to describe what it feels like when I orgasm. How does “Oh, for fuck’s sake, is that it?” sound?
I know I’m a bit of an internet whore, but even I have standards. “Did the agency tell you that I’d be having a little widdle on ya? You know, just a little pee-pee.”
Another new reader also e-mailed me to congratulate me on my extensive use of profanities. Tthank you, it means a lot to know that I am building such a reputation. I don’t know what comes over me at times, these expletives just simpy explode from my fingertips. I think I’d benefit from some anger therapy, or a perhaps a shag, or just a decent night’s sleep.
Can you smell onions?
Tuesday’s sleep was interrupted by a strong smell of cooked onions and garlic that was permeating through the house. It was vile. There is something inherently wrong with cooking smells getting into your bedroom.
You can imagine certain people with laminated notice fixations having signs up all over their houses:
“No cooking outside the hours of 11.30am-1.30pm and 4.30pm-6.30pm!”
“All cooking smells must leave the premises by 9pm.”
I’d go along with that.
Give me some credit
I have some manageable credit card debt on a couple of cards. I decided to get a new credit card to consolidate this and benefit from 0% interest on the balance transfer for 9 months or so. Looking at the deals on the internet, I found a company that offered a competitive rate and went through the online application. The choice of card colours was novel and I decided on black – the other options being red or pink.
Imagine my delight when a pink card was delivered. I felt a bit of a fool having to phone them up to tell the customer services lady that “I really can’t cope with a pink card”, but she was very understanding and explained that there’d been a bit of a mix up, lots of people had received the wrong colour, and a new one would be sent out as soon as.
And people wonder why I don’t sleep at night.
The Snoring Dog 
So, who was cooking? Or was it just a ghost smell?
No, I’ve got it! A ghost was hungry and trying to cook your lower legs with some onion and garlic hence the hot feeling you had.
I’m a genius! I must be right, surely?
It was a remnant smell I think. Although your hypothesis is certainly worthy of further investigation. Perhaps you’d like to get somebody to cook your lower legs in that fashion, then come back to main group so we can discuss your findings?
You mentioned you were ovulating.
You mentioned the smells.
Go figure!
Manky cunt!
Shocked and appalled! It may get a bit manky at the end of the day, but it NEVER smells of onions and garlic.
I feel a bit queasy.
Just saying.
Is it the pink thing FT? Soz.
Har har har… I always love coming over here.
ANYWAY… Pink? I had pink letter on MSN and you couldn’t handle that. I had to change them. Now shut up because I’m late for work and have to go.
Ow.
That really hurt.
At least I’ve got something to eat for tea now. I’ll magic up some new legs later.
I love that you called about the pink card, and find it perfectly understandable.
Imagine what the shopkeepers would THINK when you handed that thing over.
April, you know damned well that your life is so much better now that you’ve changed from that horrible pink font in messenger.
IDV: is there a weird and persistent smell of onions in your house now?
Whinger: I just had to do it. I don’t use credit cards often, if ever any more, but I really couldn’t be seen to be using a pink one, no bloody way!
It might actually be a genius plan to curb spending.
I mean, you’d have to really WANT something to hand over the pink card.
Not a bad idea, but since I make most of my purchases online and they don’t yet have a field for “card colour” on the payments data page, it might not work. It’d be ok for other people who go about “real” shopping on their credit cards willy nilly though.
Keep the pink card and get a matching pink Motorola V3.
Nobody will think you are a total chav or nuffink.
As if the British debt wasn’t bad enough, can’t remember if it was a billion or a trillion, but my son aged 11 came home with a flyer that had been handed to him by the school that was an advert for a child bank card. After reading through it I discovered that it wasn’t a debit card but a child version of a credit card. Not surprisingly he’s not getting one.
Anger therapy?
I can do that you BITCH!
A pink card could be seen as some kind of ironic statement.
About what, I dunno.
Wish I hadn’t started now…..
I see what you’re getting at FT. It’s kind of beyond irony, isn’t it?
SID, you try to fucking anger therapy me and you won’t know what hit you!
Convict, I love the way that I’m always being sent invitations to apply for credit cards and then getting turned down. It’s quite bizarre and I’m not sure i understand it.
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