I could write an ode
– If I knew what one was –
To a guy named Mat
Alas, my world is bereft of Mats
Yet I am blessed by the presence of so-called secretaries
Who do not know how to format
So this is for them instead
You see, that’s great poetry that is. Poetry is just sentences that have hard returns shoved in them in weird places. Change the format of a sentence and it becomes a poem.
So, what has me rattled? You’d think that people who have the job of doing stuff like word processing, secretaries and the like, you think that they’d know how to format a document properly. Now, I’ve never got myself a typing qualification, but I soon learned that there is something called “tabulation” that helps align rows of text into columns. Using tabs is fantastic and it’s so much tidier than simply hitting the space key in the hope that things will work out.
This is the effect you get when you let some secretaries loose on a piece of work:
Who the hell are you?
E-mails are fantastic. Very quick, very convenient, you can attach all sorts of stuff to them – I love ’em! But it’s always handy to know who you’re dealing with and what capacity they’re working in.
I got an e-mail yesterday from my ex-boss, I wanted his contact details so I could put him down as a referee for a job that I’m applying for. His e-mail signature is something like this:
John
AB&C Manager, WXYZ
Completely fucking meangingless.
Drives me mad.
Me? I give the grid reference to my desk. I know some people who put the bus numbers and other local transport links. They stop short of putting the car parking charges and “Sub of the day” on there though.
Dirty weekend
I’m looking forward to this weekend; going up to the Lake District with the lovely Trump. It’s going to piss it down the entire time we’re there.
You know, you can’t buy a plain black kagoul anywhere!
Still, it’ll be nice to spend time together. Nice for me at least, I’m not sure whether she’ll be as thrilled having endured my shouting at other motorists for the two hour drive up there. I’ll make sure she has her iPod and PSP charged up so she can be preoccupied with that instead.
I’ll report back on Sunday.
The Snoring Dog 
have fun! is a kagoul a parka or rain coat?
–aas
Yes, a kagoul is lightweight, unlined, waterproof jacket. Made of that stuff that swishes when you move.
I haven’t got one. so no doubt I’ll be pissed wet through. I’m staying inside and reading. i don’t like lakes anyway.
Will you be staying in a tent?
Nothing beats tinned sausage and beans ‘neath the stars.
Not that you’ll find me in a tent. I insist on hotels with more than two stars.
No, no tent for me. Although I might play tents and camping under the bedclothes. Staying in a hotel. It’s supposed to have three stars, but that could mean anything in this day and age.
Enjoy the dirty weekend. With all that rain it probably will be filthy.
What happened to P&T's big re-launch?
I will never understand how secretaires get their jobs….often being paid more than i am. *shakes head*
They should have to take some basic operator courses…they don’t have a clue clearly what they’re doing…for christ sakes, didn’t they ever use a typewriter? Ya, know, using a tab key I imagine is so much nicer than the old tab stops, or better still, ctl-E or justify the damn thing! sheesh
psst! in canada we call kagoul’s windbreakers. I love how you all have such nice independant names for everything….like anorak for instance…we call it a hooded coat.
The lake district? Which part of Wisconsin is that?
A rainy weekend away could be good too; delectable treats, a nice bed-jacket or two and who needs the great outdoors?
You can get black kagouls from Millets.
Rowan… what would you call an anorak if it didn’t have a hood?
Dilemma.
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hello Tina, hope you had fun and all 😉
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Heads up!
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CRASH!
Oooh! Just missed the Nissan, thank goodness. Sorry…
Those IDIOTS who use the space bar instead of tabs. When they edit the document SPROING! it all goes to shit and they have to add some spaces here, take away some spaces there.
You show them properly tabbed stuff “Look if I want to change the alignment I just drag this little black arrow and ZIP! the whole doc moves nicely in line”
But when you start talking to them about paragraph styles and templates . . . .
I used to work for an aviation data company publishing the accident data for commercial airlines. The data would come out of a manky old mainframe SPACE delimited! I had to write programes to rip out the spaces and put in tab formatting.
I find everytime I tell people about this they fall asleep.
hello? hello?
I had a dirty weekend away in the Lake District once… it pissed down rain, we were in a tent, but hey… we had fun. You have fun.
Formatting. You got that right Sniff… I hate fucking spaces and think people that use the space bar shouldn’t be paid.
love your blog!!
I had to look up kagoul (I’m American) – got a strange hit…
kagoul.com is an online community of gay men. It is a NON SEXUAL orientated website, meaning you can have a safe and fun time online. With boards, profiles, blogs, messaging there is plenty to do.
hmmm… maybe I’ll check out windbreaker.com…