I hate umbrellas.
As much as I’ve tried to open myself up to the idea of these things being a good idea, I simply can’t accept them into my life.
It’s been raining a LOT over the past week. Here’s what it’s going to be like for the next week:
Still wet, yet I refuse to use a brolly:
- They’re a right old pain carry aloft above your head
- You’re left with only one free hand
- They don’t protect you from sideways rain
- They are vulnerable to wind
- You have nowhere to put the things when you’re nipping in and out of shops
- They take up too much space when lots of people are carrying them on a busy pavement
- Some bastards even poke your eyes out with the pokey end bits of them
- They’re a right old pain to carry around “in case it rains”
- Entire corridors in the work place are often rendered umbrella assault courses as users dry theirs outside of their offices
- They’re for tossers
Stupid things, that’s what they are.
Not like Kagouls! Kagouls are ace. I managed to find myself a plain black one (from Millet’s, thanks FT) before the journey up to the Lakes. Trump got one too, but we didn’t go for matching; there are plenty in the Sisterhood who dress in matching clothes with matching hairdos (see any civil partnership ceremony photos) without us two joining the ranks.
I was very pleased with my kagoul. Look, here’s me being pleased while wearing it:
So the Lakes, what were they like? Wet, but not so bad as we were trapped in the hotel; trapped with this bed head! Not bed head as in “bad hair brought about by sleeping”, as in the head of the bed- just look at that chintztasticness!
So what was it like up there? The weather could’ve been better, but it wasn’t raining all the time and we managed to go for a few wanders, starting off at Bowness on Windermere, which I think is the largest lake up there.
Bowness is a nice little town, but you can see that it could be in danger of becoming run down. This chap was clearly disgusted at the high levels of duck excrement that was all over the shore of the lake. It’s hard to understand why the dirty little fuckers don’t do their business while in the water, like I would.
Further up the road, it becomes the Kirkstone Pass – I think this is the highest bit or something. See how it’s so high it’s in the clouds!
There’s a pub at the summit called the Kirkstone Pass Inn. It’s a very traditional place with roaring log fires in the winter – it also has the tiniest ladies’ toilet on the planet.
Spring is a nice time to visit anywhere in England (apart from the weather being predictably be awful). Everything is very fresh and the spring flowers and blossoms can be spectacular. This photo doesn’t do any justice to this bit of bluebell woodland that we came across, but it gives some of the idea of what it was like.
British hotels are ace – all too similar to Fawlty Towers (“Flowery Twats”) – and the reception guy did a bit of a double take when he saw the two of us were sharing a “that’s a double room with bed and breakfast?” He didn’t make much eye contact.
The number of the Beast
it might be easier to see it on this one….
Actually, I think it’s actually just a birth mark, but it’s weird when you find something out about yourself for the first time.
The Snoring Dog 
Fucking bitch – having dirty weekends without me now!
I’m sooooo alone…
You can have her Herge. And her annoying, pointy little spider monkey elbows. And her pretending that she didn’t realise she’s squatting in your half of the bed.
As for the birth mark, I’m more disturbed by the fact that the bottom right hand corner highlights my terrible carpet. The birthmark’s nothing compared to that ‘pattern’.
And my kagoul cost £50. Robbing shits.
Does…does she ever even mention me… at all?
Mine was only £30. I saw a woman wearign the same one as yours today. Common you see.
Herge, you know things could’ve been so different… but you were so fuckign obsessed with those damned daleks that i had to let you go.
Well, there was this one time in bed…..
You’ve let me go?
No one cares about Daleks anymore, they are passe apparently – it’s bloody cyberman this and cyberman that.
That’s fashion for you – fickle fuckers.
Actually, I talk about you all the time Herge. It could come between us one day, but you’re worth it.
Our time has been and gone – it was fun but you’ve got a new friend and I’ve got…
erm…
the daleks.
The birth mark was a bit of a let-down. I was expecting nits.
Awww, don’t you two look cute!
That birthmark looks like a stork bite – Miss Peanut has one, too.
I find that an umbrella comes in useful for assaulting the homeless when they ask if I have any spare change.
I will be in’t Lake District in June. Fuck knows why. I’m surrounded by mountains and lochs up here.
That’s not a birth mark, that’s leprosy that is.
It’s not a birthmark, or nits, or leprosy – it just needs a bloody good clean is all.
Weird is not the word.
Scary yes,but not weird.
Nice pics Sniffy, and thats right you get real close to that flu infested swan.
I was looking for something else when I found your blog.Anyway I found it very useful.You may check my new Fragrance blog if you like.
“it also has the tiniest ladies’ toilet on the planet.” Would that be the actual toilet that’s tiny so that only someone of Barbie’s stature would fit on it, or the entire room was tiny?
That’s not a birth mark – that’s ringworm that is. Or scabies.
Definately contagious.
I recommend quarantine.
Spring is a nice time to visit anywhere in England (apart from the weather being predictably be awful).
Just wait till you get to Canada if you wanta see bad weather!
as for the woodland, I wanna go!!!! Those are beautiful!
FUck the hotel dude! Let’em bloody well stare.
Yeah, I don’t have a birthmark, but it terribly sucked when I found a mole teh size and shape and colour of an eraser of a pencil…doc says he won’t remove it and it’s embarrassing now taht I know it’s there (in my hair like yours)
Hi, I was just wandering the blogosphere and here I am at your blog. I enjoy the style of how this all works.
This is one to watch.
Cheers,