I went to a £10 per head Chinese banquet on Tuesday evening to honour the departure of a close colleague. It was nice; there were colleagues from our partner organisations there and the group was split over two round tables. By accident, I ended up on the table that did not contain high-faluting profs, although those who I shared my table with were no less important or influential.
The conversation was initiated by Colleague 1 (to Colleague 2): A team of us are entering for the Manchester Run in May, do you want to join us?
Colleague 2: “How far is it, 10km? I don’t know, I don’t really run.”
Colleague 1: “Well most of our lot are walking it, come on, it’s for a good cause.”
Colleague 2: “Ok then, I’ll ask [partner] if she’ll do it with me too”
Colleague 1 (to colleague 3): “What about you? Do you want to join in?”
Colleague 3: “Well, I suppose so, OK, sign me up”
Colleagues 1, 2, 3: “Come on Tina, what about you?”
Me: “I don’t think so.”
Colleague 2 (pleading): “Awww, come on.. please??? If me and [partner] are doing it, you can too”
So, under no pressure or coercion at all, I agreed to do it. I’m going to die, I know it. Having just started back at the gym, 2km is my current absolute limit, and that almost kills me.
I have four months to get into some sort of shape that means I won’t die on the 20th of May. For motivation, I have downloaded the Rocky Balboa screensaver. I shall be running around the city and up the steps of the MEN Arena with the Rocky theme playing in my head.
Step back in time
Currently, the time is 10.15GMT, 25th January 2007. Meanwhile, I am back in the 1970s at Base 2a.
My office here has hessian wallpaper, which I have covered with my photos and also Italian travel posters. Up until recently, the windows, in addition to vertical blinds, were adorned with curtains that looked and felt like they were made from an old dog blanket. In an office. It’s like trying to work in a fucking bedroom. Things were looking up when I came here one day before Christmas to realise that it was unusually bright in here – the curtains had gone. Yippee!!
For a couple of months, it has been bright in here, more worklike, I almost felt like being a bit more productive. But today I came here and they were back, this time a brown floral offering that reminds me of something that we wrap dead cats in to bury them. I’ve taken them down again, they disturb me.
On realising the wrong curtains had been put up in her office, Cynthia came running into me and, very close to my face asked “Don’t you want your curtains?”
“Clearly not, since I’ve taken them down.”
Windy
This is my first day back here after the storm of last Thursday. I enquired as to the well-being of everybody and about their journeys home that day. Most people were badly delayed, and their tales make my 3 hour journey home seem trivial. It was trivial, a three hour journey isn’t that bad when you consider that people died.
“There were a couple of deaths around Manchester” I said.
“Yes, that poor woman, she was sixty and sheltered against a wall that collapsed on her, poor thing,” a colleague added.
“Yes, that was in Stockport, wasn’t it?”
“Yes, but not nearly as bad as that poor little 2 year boy who died when a wall collapsed on HIM.”
“But why is it worse because he was two, surely it’s just as bad if you get killed by a wall when you’re sixty? You can have another kid.” I was puzzled.
“Oh, that’s a horrible thing to say. He had all his life ahead of him, at least you’ve lived yours at sixty.”
“Yes, and contributed something. You can probably have another child, but you only get one mum.”
Idiots.
The Hitman and Hymn
As the Catholic Church in England tries to make feeble excuses for its bigotry, its leader, Cardinal Cormack Murphy O’Connor has been in the news quite a bit, saying that Catholic adoption agencies should be exempt from anti-discrimination law and be allowed to prevent gay couples using its adoption agencies. The rights and welfare of the children must come first. Yeah, that’s right, because gay people are renowned for systematic abuse of children and institutional cover ups. Tossers.
Anyway, Cormack is forever going on about the Bible and Catholic conscience, but what the hell does he know? Can’t everybody tell that this man is an imposter? Surely it’s clear to everyone that so-called Cardinal Cormack Murphy O’Connor is none other than uber successful record producer Pete “The Hitman” Waterman!
If I ever meet “Cormack”, I’m going to test him with some Kylie and Steps lyrics, he won’t be able to hide from “Better the devil you know”.
Still, there is one good bit of news about this “gay people are evil and shouldn’t be allowed near children” scaremongering: “Reports say that Communities Secretary Ruth Kelly, who is charged with fighting discrimination and who is a devout Catholic, is considering resigning over the issue.”
How can the Catholic church oppose decent people adopting children when they allow ugly fuckers like this to breed naturally?
Yay!!! Ruth can perhaps get a job as a night-shift cleaner or something instead. Something that keeps her away from unsuspecting members of the public.
US military plan to disarm enemies with sunbeds and slippery floors
It’s true, the US military research scientist have developed a massive heat ray gun with a 500m range that can disperse a crowd or enemy by making it a bit too hot for them. Apparently, it heats, but doesn’t harm. Eh?
They’re also trying to develop artificial black ice to make it too slippery for the enemy to get about. I’m going to tell them about the people who laid the new pavements at work – slightest drop in temperature and they’re treacherous.
The Snoring Dog 