Category Archives: Religion

WI vs IS

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I have a huge problem with religion.  There’s nothing more worrying than people and entire populations being controlled in their thoughts and actions by what men tell them some fictional deity dictates… in books and scriptures that were written by primitive men hundreds or thousands of years ago.  It defies all logic.  Rather than thinking for themselves and taking responsibility for their lives and behaviour, people are more than happy to hand over control to something that doesn’t exist.  

This delusional behaviour, if enacted by an individual, would see that person being locked up for their own safety and for that others around them.  But when entire populations do it and when it’s based on ancient works of fiction, it’s seen as something to be protected and even encouraged.  The biblical religions claim that their gods are real, the only true gods, yet they claim that the gods worshipped by the ancient people of South America and the Romans and the Greeks are all bogus.  Why? How come their god is real and the ancient ones aren’t?

The Why won’t God heal amputees website offers a good read on this matter.

It’s all bollocks.  It is mass mental illness that is responsible for war, murder and misery all over the globe.   

It’s all very, very dangerous bollocks, as is being witnessed around the globe as extremists of Islam (lazy Wikipedia ref) commit atrocities in Nigeria (boko haram), Syria (IS), Iraq (IS), Gaza (Hamas), Pakistan (Taleban/al Qaeda), Afghanistan (Taleban/al Qaeda), etc, etc, etc.  The aim of this form of Islam is to establish a caliphate where, well, if you’re not a muslim – the right kind of muslim – you will die.  If you’re a woman, you might as well die because you are destined for a life of uneducated, mutilated servitude.  What is even more worrying is that there are muslims who were born in this country to good families and educated here who also hold these beliefs and would happily see an Islamic state established here in the UK.

It’s not very religion of peace-like, is it?  Fucking brilliant.

Anyway, it’s not all bad news.  I understand that our very own Women’s Institute has a military wing that is now recruiting to go and fight the murderous savages and blow them from the face of the earth before they even dare try to knock on the door of our beloved, free, secular, enlightened Europe.

The first meeting took place last night, and don’t they look a formidable bunch?

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So watch it, you fucking, shit-for-brains, fuckers, we’re coming for you.  And we all know how all boys are terrified the fuck of mums.

Tossers.

My head will be on a spike by the weekend.

Autocorrect

In addition to my problems with religion, I’m having even more problems with iOS autocorrect at the moment, it’s fucking didic!  Oh god!!! Mac OSX is at it too.  RIDIC! Not fucking didic.  Just earlier, it corrected “school bag” to “school day”  Why did it do that?  Is it trying to be clever?  Does it think it knows what I’m trying to write?  There must be an algorithm that’s been designed by a spotty youth with a diploma in fucking people off. 

The problem is that when you’re trying to respond to text messages quickly, you don’t actually notice that a term has been corrected against your will until you hit send.  It’s about time iMessage came with a “cancel send” button, you know for those occasions when you accidentally put “xxx” at the end of a message to your boss.

Best day in the office for AGES

It was a brilliant day in my office today.  Just me and another colleague shared the space, other desks abandoned by those on annual leave.  I really like Darren, we get on well, have a giggle, make sex noises to each other, but he’s really conscientious and so very, very helpful.  I admitted to him that I was a bit distracted from my work because I’d encountered a technical issue with this blog whereby the Twitter cards (I’ve discovered they’re called) weren’t pulling through since changing the domain name for this place last week.  

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Twitter card

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No twitter card – fucking annoying as fuck

So we talked about me blogging and what I get out of it, how it works, this and that.  

We did a bit of work, I had a meeting, did a bit more work.  Then I decided it was time to play pirate ships on my colleagues’ desks.  Because, you know, when will the chance arise ever again?

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I think we’re being joined by another returning colleague tomorrow.  This the day we finally get to draw pictorial messages on the roller blinds for sending to people in the offices on the opposite side of the atrium.

Such fun!

Like a bad smell

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How often are you supposed to bath a dog?  Fuck me, my little feller pongs already and he only got tubbed on Sunday.  I think he’s been mixing pheromones with some male company that I had over the past day or so.

Of course, when I say “male company”, I refer to the partner of my visiting female friend.  I was horrified when he lay on my bed – might I get pregnant?  Euch.

After years of telling April how I’m an OK cook, I had to put my money where my mouth is and cook for us the other night – coq au vin.  This involved the use of quite a lot of garlic, some of which has been residing in my kitchen bin since Monday and has taken on the smell of hideous garlic breath; you know the sort of overpowering funk that grabs you by the stomach, throws you to floor and makes you vomit until your eyeballs explode?  Like that.

I don’t like smells, unless it’s my own trumps.  You get to thinking how your natural smell affects people who you share office space with.  Not referring to body odours, I mean the sort of fragrances that cling to you as a result of your morning ablutions – shower gel, hair products, moisturisers, perfumes.  How does one have that difficult conversation with a colleague who wears a vile signature fragrance – in perfume, shower gel and moisturiser form? Is there a subtle way of sending them a link to the Jo Malone website?  They’d probably still choose some combination of scents that, alone are divine, but in union turn into something that could be used as biological warfare agents.

Jesus loves you

Oh good grief, this is brilliant.  There’s something about people of religion that just makes me want to kill them.   Nothing personal, but they’re clearly suffering from serious mental illness and they need conversion therapy to turn them into fully functioning, rational members of the global society.  Am I being harsh?  You decide by checking out the Team Jesus for Michelle Bachmann facebook page, and this little beauty that I found there today:

Gay dinosaurs

Dinosaurs became extinct because they were all gay

Fuck a doodle doo.

The Bachmann Facebook page is clearly a spoof (I hope) to show how utterly ridiculous some Christians are, but I’m assuming some class A moronic bible basher came up with this graphic.

Maybe in years to come we’ll be able to make a cartoon that said Christians became extinct because they just pissed off so many free-thinking, normal people off that world governments decreed they were either put into mental asylums or sterilised banned from having access to children and mass communications tools.

Is it hometime yet?

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It’s about a quarter past ten, the 23rd December 2008.  I’m at work.  I have sent an mail-merge e-mail – get me! – and a couple of work-related e-mails.  There is absolutely nothing going on as we run down towards the Christmas holiday.

Should you have to take annual leave for a day or two off if things are so quiet at work?  I suppose it’s better than being laid off or being forced to work reduced hours, as so many people are at the moment.  I’d normally have a “working from home” day, but I don’t think I’d get away with it somehow.

So what am I doing instead?  Well, I have my iPod with me and unrestricted internet access.  The only things missing are Frasier or MTV Dance, an endless supply of coffee, a comfy sofa and a bouncy little dog and I could be at home.

It’s very cold here too and I’m about to call on the services of the cardie of mirth.

Today’s Daily Mash brings us some useful Government advice from the Department of Stating the Blindingly Obvious and Nannying:

“BRITAIN GETS THE STUPID CHRISTMAS ADVICE IT DESERVES”

GOVERNMENT guidelines on how to avoid accidents at Christmas are every bit as obvious as they need to be, it was confirmed last night.

As the emergency services braced themselves for three days of utter chaos, experts said the government had done everything it possibly could short of strapping everyone to a chair and feeding them pulped turkey through a tube.

Professor Henry Brubaker, of the Institute for Studies, said: “You will notice page five of the Daily Mail carries an angry story about ‘why oh why does the government have to treat us like Christmas morons?’.

“But if you then turn over to page six you will see a story about a man from Dorset who called the fire brigade after shoving at least 18 inches of Norwegian Spruce firmly up his back passage.
“Page seven is devoted to the Yorkshire family who celebrate Boxing Day by piling all the empty boxes in the middle of the living room before setting fire to them.

“And we then turn over to a double-page spread featuring a heart-breaking interview with the sole survivor of the Great Hemel Hempstead Turkey Disaster of 1983.”

A department of health spokesman said: “Instead of a real Christmas tree this year why not go for a small, laminated photograph of a Christmas tree? Leave it floating in a bucket of water in case you’re tempted to set fire to it.

“And if you’re worried about food poisoning from an undercooked turkey, just eat a load of crisps instead. But not the sharp ones. Go for a soft, round crisp like a Wotsit or a Quaver. And don’t forget to keep a bucket water nearby in case you’re tempted to set fire to them.”

This article is actually closer to the truth than seems imaginable as the Department of Health in England has produced an Advent Calendar-style leaflet that warns of perils associated with the festive season.  I don’t know how we’d get out of bed without causing ourselves life-threatening injury without our wonderful government telling us what to do.

Papa-Ratzi’s Christmas good will to all men (so long as they’re not gay, lesbian or transgender)

Kiss the ring, muthafucka

Kiss the ring, muthafucka

Thank goodness for Pope Benedict!  He’s going to help re-train all us queers so that humanity will survive, or rather, heterosexuality will survive.  Apparently, saving the world from sexual deviants is as important as saving the rain forests.  Fucking Nazi.

How about saving the world from religious nutcases?  Why do they feel the need to be so hateful?

I suppose that’s what you get when you appoint somebody who was in the Hitler Youth as the top bloke and voice on earth for the invisible bearded man in the sky. The pope condemns gender bending. This is a man who wears lovely white frocks, accessorised with a red stole & matching ruby slippers.

Cunt.