I think I’d like a child, it’d be nice to be a mum. However, I don’t EVER want to get pregnant or to give birth. Absolutely not, no fucking way.

One of my closest friends almost died yesterday after giving birth to her 9lb baby – 9lb!!! That’s one big lump to squeeze out when you only weigh about 7st. She went through a 36 hour labour, lost loads of blood and gave birth in, what her husband described as, “a medieval torture chamber”.

He said, “They finally got her out, and the second she was born she started this high-pitched squealing that lasted for an hour, and the whole time, they were trying to stop [his wife] from bleeding to death.

“I can’t look at her [the baby]; when she came out she looked like she had some sort of syndrome and today she just looks really ugly. I don’t really care about the baby right now, I just want her [his wife] to be OK.

“I got home from the hospital and they phoned me up immediately to say they were taking her to theatre, so I had to go straight back. She said the whole bed was awash with blood, with her blood!”

It’s the stuff nightmares are made of. They’re both suffering from exhaustion and post-traumatic stress.

I can’t imagine anything being worth putting yourself through that for: 3 months of sickness; 5 months of carrying a huge lump around with you; then almost dying getting the little bugger out and all that pain.

Still, I’m now officially a sort of auntie and I’ll be really pleased once I know everybody’s come through it alright.

As many of you may know, I work for the good old National Health Service of the UK, well, England, since the UK’s been ripped up by the government over the past few years.

Anyway, the NHS suffers badly from sickness absence and retirement due to “workplace stress”. From experience, I’d say much of this stress was encountered by people who simply can’t handle the job they’re given and a lot of it is self-inflicted due to poor work practices, lack of training and time-wasting. Other stress is inflicted on the workforce by their own colleagues. By this, I’m not referring to management, but colleagues whose own stress gets transferred onto others.

It may be hard to believe, but I’m actually a fairly laid-back person at work. I like to get on with things without fuss, then fuck off home as soon as I can. What I cannot deal with is mithering fucking colleagues who constantly bombard you with their insane comments or ways of working.

I’m on the verge of strangling our temporary secretary. Yes, a temporary secretary who seems to have taken over the operation of the entire department. A temporary secretary who’s American (with fucking bells on) and who is obsessed with the boss.

I won’t go into much detail because that’s never particularly interesting. However, it’s impossible to work in silence in the office for more than a couple of minutes without her coming out with some stupid comment, just for the sake of breaking the calm. You’ll be sat there, working away and you’ll hear: “Are we allowed any candy today?”….. pause for 10 seconds while I try to ignore her…. “…Tina?”. And this happens over a number of things. Just cryptic little utterances that you’d normally ignore (or try to) become some major thing.

SHUT THE FUCK UP! PLEASE, JUST SHUT UP!!

It’s hard to describe. She’s one of these that’s always claiming to be hot, despite it still being freezing. I leave the office for 2 seconds and return to find the fan on. It’s like a pathetic, childish battle of wills that she has to entertain to get through the day. An despite being told, time and time again, to use British English, she refuses. So people don’t know what on earth she’s talking about:

“Can I get him/her on their cell?”
“Is there a parking lot nearby?”
“This is a courtesy call…”
“I’m trying to arrange a meeting for May twentyone”

And it goes on, and on and on.

Worse still, she’s been sticking her oar in with a new staff member – giving her her own special take on the personnel and the running of the department.

Fook. I might take a few weeks off and curl up in bed with a packet of Seroxat.

Edit: For a more in-depth look at working practices within the “modern NHS”, check out Farts. Do you realise that most secretaries actually print out all the e-mails they receive?

The other day, I submitted a post about people commenting on others’ blogs with their own prejudiced and often bigotted views (see Blogging bigotry). I pointed out that I’d noticed somebody called Ryan J had commented on one of the librarian blogs with his insightful view that “homosexuality/lesbianism is unnatural” and pondered why somebody would do such a thing. I also tried to point out that Ryan J is probably a bit dim and that I’d essentially told him so in his own wonderfully interesting blog.

Cakesniffing commenters despaired with me at the intolerance of others.

For those of you who may not have noticed, I had a visitor. Here is what they had to say for themselves…

At 3:48 AM, stljumpster said…
http://www.blogger.com/profile/6863688
If this link works, you can see that you are wrong, tina. ANYONE can comment on my blog.

Perhaps you should check out my profile, and you will see that you have made another error.

Also, I don’t appreciate you committing libel against my reputation. Who the heck is Britney? I do have morals, and you basically saying that I am a pervert who “probably wanks himself off to Britney” is a boldfaced lie. Excuse me!? To do such an act would be a mortal sin.

If you have a problem about me saying that homosexuality/lesbianism is unnatural, then tell me why such a practice is natural.

Sincerely in Christ,

Ryan J.

“Sincerely in Christ”. Jesus wept. I know plenty of Christians who’d wipe the floor with those who use Christianity (or their misinterpretation of it) to preach ignorance and hatred, but it’s not worth the waste of energy. The thing is, attempting to argue with folk like Ryan only fuels them. It’s best to ignore them and let them self-destruct in their own vile hatred.

Well, I have no intention of revisiting this little turd’s profile or blog, but it wasn’t allowing anonymous posts the other day – not that I’d have left one anonymously. I don’t have any problem with anybody saying that homosexuality or lesbianism is unnatural; I quite understand that people are very sensitive about this sort of thing, but I firmly believe it is everybody’s right to have and express an opinion (even if they’re stupid and wrong). That is why we in Europe have recently commemorated VE Day, which is no better symbol of victory for freedom from bigotry, democracy and freedom of speech. What I do have a problem with is somebody seemingly purposefully cruising the gay blogs and injecting them with their poisonous remarks, particularly when somebody is clearly struggling with their sexuality and seeking solace in writing their thoughts when perhaps they have nobody to talk to about their concerns.

There is nothing unnatural about love, but I have no intention of stooping to his level to justify my or anybody else’s sexuality to an insignificant nobody who doesn’t even know who Britney is!

Oh, and thanks very much for the comments:

At 8:48 AM, Anonymous said…
Actually, Ryan J, I think a great many decent, broadminded, intelligent, don’t have our head-up-our-arse human beings have a problem with your unsolicited comment.

What on earth does it have to do with you if someone you don’t know happens to be gay, is clearly having a bit of a rough time getting used to that fact and is brave enough to type these thoughts to share with people who might actually be able to offer some support. Nobody forced you to intrude. Nobody rammed your head up to your monitor and forced you to read. Oh, don’t tell me, you spend your time cruising the gay blogs tying to save people from themselves.

Your so-called Christian attitude is as far away from Christian as it is possible to be and it’s morons like you that give genuine Christians a bad name. Love thy neighbour…as long as he/she isn’t gay – something which isn’t a disease, a threat, a confused state of mind, a possession by the devil, or even a choice.

People are just people. Like it or not we are all the same. Except you. You’re a twat. May you burn in your own idea of hell for being such a bigotted little turd.

And another thing. If Heaven is full of self-rightous nobs like you, I’ll happily take the elevator downwards thank you very much. Get a life that doesn’t involve irritating other people’s.

May God have mercy on your soul.

Trillion


At 12:03 PM, Andy said…
Jesus H Christ on a bike. The Christian fundamentalists have even invaded the blogosphere.

Why the hell would he even bother having a snipe back? Surely he must know that all he’ll get back is abuse.

And he needs to read up on his law. Libel? Did he not read the word “probably”?

Also, I don’t recall “thou shalt not have a wank” anywhere in the Top Ten list of mortal sins, but then again I’m one of those horrible atheists.


So, lots of strong sentiments there. Feel free to comment if you like. If it wasn’t so sad, it’d be funny.

Right, it’s now May and the weather is finally showing some promise of breaking out of the winter temperatures we’ve been suffering from for the past 8 months. We had sunshine today and I didn’t need a jumper. It wasn’t hot, but it was fresh and pleasant. And about fuckin’ time too.

Of course, this means that the inside of your car can get a touch hot and, for a 30 mile journey home, it can get a touch stuffy. On these occasions, the air conditioning really makes a difference – it’s a godsend if/when the temperature breaks the 25°C mark. My car even has “climate control”, which means that you set the temperature that you’d like, then press “auto” and hey presto! the climate control maintains that temperature…. or so the description would lead you to believe…

Why then do I always get frostbite when I have the air con or climate control on? No matter what the temperature setting, it’s always feels like its set to “fucking freezing”.


Sunday Sport VE Day Celebration Commemorative Edition

Thanks to Popbitch for letting me know about this gem. Popbitch is a weekly e-mail digest of the most tasteless celebrity gossip. I urge you to subscribe immediately by visiting www.popbitch.com.

I just had to do it

Click here to see

Bollocks! Well, click here instead: http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport1/hi/tennis/4538673.stm

How very odd.

When you think of these great isles of ours, this wonderful Britain, what springs to mind? The Queen, our history, culture, the Empire and Commonwealth, a land of opportunity and fairness, rolling countryside? Then there’s the summer: cream teas and picnics, the sound of leather on willow, strawberries and cream, the gentle knock of the tennis ball over the net….. Wimbledon perhaps? Timmy’s tried his hardest, but we need to accept that Britain may never produce a Wimbledon champion. However, one person that will ALWAYS excel at the All England Lawn Tennis and Croquet Club is the Peter Pan of Pop, our very own…..

“I know you love me”

Despite his clean-cut image, Cliff’s official website has made some rather startling photos available to his adoring fans. I’ve had to crop this one, but the full size image show Cliff being blown-off by a young Phillipino boy. Claims of exploitation were brushed aside by Cliff, who pointed out that he had generously provided the boy and his family with free tickets to the Stockport leg of his 2005 Christmas tour.

You know you love me”

A good Christian batchelor boy

But all credit to Cliff, he always spreads the word of the Lord by pretending to be Jesus on the Cross during his live performances.

“Jesus loves me more than He loves anybody else”

It’s so funny, how we don’t talk anymore

So Cliff, just do the world a favour and piss off, will you?

Why would anybody post a comment onto another person’s blog, a complete stranger’s blog, just for the sake of being horrible and inflammatory? Yes, you’re right, because they’re a fucking bigot!

Look at this that I found when I was having a wander through the blogs of the sisterhood. Somebody had posted to their own blog, saying they were gay. It was their first post. This is a comment that was left on that post:

stljumpster said…
Lesbianism/Homosexuality is unnatural.
7:17 AM

Along with this, we had April’s blog:
“You sound like an intelligent woman,however, your use of foul language degrades you and anyone else who uses it. Why not gain a better command of the King’s English or please remove yourself from linking to Blogs where decent Christian people go to enjoy the wholesome thoughts of those who do not need to use foul language to get their point across!!”

I don’t know who it was that posted onto April’s blog, but I linked back to the shit that claimed that homosexuality is unnatural and he’s got a blog, surprise surprise, about himself and his lonely life as some college student who probably wanks himself off to Britney. One of his posts is on an oral presentation of some review of Charles Dickens’s work. Shithead.

Here’s Ryan’s “About me”:

Name: Ryan J. Location: United States.
I believe that one thing our culture has lost is: 1) Chivalry, 2)Good Fathers and Mothers, and 3) Wholesome Music.

I made a comment to point out that “surely that’s THREE things?” …

I must admit, the train journeys to and from London weren’t too traumatic. They were those Virgin tilting jobbies and I felt a bit sick when they picked up speed. Actually the journey back was fairly rubbish because we were facing backwards all the way – why couldn’t they reverse into Euston so we’d be facing forwards for the TWO and a HALF HOUR journey???

Trains are still crap though; it’s that thing of not being in control. All it needs is some tosser driver to run a red light and, instead of having a bit of a prang like you would in a car, you get a massive high-speed crash and loads of fatalities. All those people’s lives in the hands of a suicidal train driver. And the good thing is that, if a driver is suspended for running a red light, the rail unions call a strike in their support! Hang on a minute, surely they should be supporting their colleagues who might’ve become victims of the errant driver’s mistake/incompetence? But no, they come out with “It’s because there’s not enough training… whinge, whinge, whinge”. I’m sorry, but how many times does somebody need to be told not to run a red light? It’s not rocket science. No! It’s not fucking rocket science, it’s train driving.

I used the toilet, it was fun. The cubicles are probably large enough to have sex in. This is a lot different to how it used to be on the old SNCF sleepers that we took from France to Italy when I was a kid. Not that I ever thought about having sex in a train toilet back then, or having sex at all because I didn’t even know what it was. The train toilets back in the 70s used to just drop all the bowl (bowel) contents onto the track and you could see the track whizzing by underneath as it flushed. And that’s when I thought the vampire would climb up through the hole and get me.

What’s the etiquette on the use of toilets on trains? How long should you leave it before using the lav after somebody has come out of there? And is it OK to return to your seat with your hand over your mouth, saying, “Some dirty fucking bastard left a right smell in there” when the person who went before you is sat in your carriage? And is it true that you’re not supposed to use the toilet when the train is stationary?

There was a gang of trainspotters at Nuneaton. One was even videoing the train. It’s a fucking traing. They all look the same, surely? It’s like the golden age of steam when the engines had names, characters and histories. He looked like a bit of a sex offender and I didn’t like to think what was on the rest of his videotape.

Did you know that there’s a breed of people who spot electricity pylons too? You don’t believe me do you? Well, you can check out both UK and international pylon enthusiast sites. Check out the UK site, it’s really something else.

Back to the train… This is just one of those things that makes me want to kill people. We were sat opposite the bit where you leave your luggage in the carriage. There were two women sat in front of this bit and they’d deposited their luggage in the correct area on boarding the train. Then, inexplicably, with an hour left of the journey, one of them took her huge suitcase from the luggage-hold behind her and moved it approximately 1 foot so it was next to her seat, blocking the aisle. Why? I was fucking outraged. I wanted to pull the communication thing and tell the driver.

I wanted to talk to the driver about one or two things actually, but apparently there’s a penalty for inappropriate use. I’m sure he’d have been interested in the little baa lambs in the fields and the two donkeys that I saw rolling around. I also wanted to ask him why the final leg between Stockport and Piccadilly was taking so long – bad run of signals apparently. That old nutmeg, eh?

Euston station is quite horrible and there were pigeons dive-bombing me while I was trying to eat my chips. On the other hand, Piccadilly Station in Manchester is very ritzy-titzy (they did it up for the Commonwealth Games). To put things in perspective though, neither are as good as being able to travel in your own car, with your own music (and singing) at your own pace.

Manure tax hits UK farmers and stables
Would you believe this fucking government has introduced a tax on shit? They’re charging a tax on anybody disposing of farmyard manure. You don’t believe me? For a full breakdown, see this article from those people with horse-sense in Horse and Hound.

Thieving fucking bastards. Why is the electorate in this country so stupid? How could anybody with half a brain vote for this bunch of twats?

Can you make a fertiliser bomb out of manure? If so, you’d be tempted to make a huge, fuck-off one and sit Gordon Brown, Tony Blair and the rest of the incompetent wankers (and those who voted for them) on top of it. Tossers.


Pile of shite
Thank you all for your concerns about my bowels for my train tride to Lundinium tomorrow. I must be mad; I had spicy dahl and carrot soup with granary bread for my lunch today. Jeeeeezussss!

Updates on that one tomorrow evening if I make it back in one piece. But if there’s news of a derailment at Stoke, it’ll probably be something to do with me.

This is just a warning that I’ve got to go travel to London and back by train on Tuesday. A train, how uncivilised. London – Jesus, Mary, mother of God help us all!

Public transport + London = much needed fodder for Cakesniffers

I can’t wait!