My Pepsi Max and shampoo stocks had become severely depleted.  This is a situation that causes me anxiety; I rarely allow myself to get to down to one can of pop, bottle or shampoo or toilet roll before replenishing my stores.  With this in mind, I set off towards the Asda in Radcliffe, only to turn round as I exited the Ringley border – I was sure that my pop was on offer at Tesco.

I could have carried on to the big Tesco at Prestwich, but it’s often difficult to park there because the lazy fuckers a) abandon their stupid massive cars over three or four spaces, and b) leave their shopping trollies in the remaining free parking spots.  The little Tesco at Farnworth would be much better and less likely to result in my blood pressure rising to a level that would make my kidneys explode.

It was a nice trip around the quiet store.  My shampoo and pop were both on offer, I was happy.  I took my little trolley to a till where a woman and a man were having their final few purchases scanned.

Why are you just standing there?  Why aren’t you packing your items in bags?  Come on, they’re not going to pack themselves.

The man on the till scanned the last item, “Twenty six pounds, fifty eight pence please.”

They both looked at him blankly before the man fished something out his pocket and the woman fished something out of her bag, money off vouchers.  They handed them over to the assistant, without speaking.

Then the woman then walked passed me and wandered off to the pop aisle.  What’s going on?  You’ve had your turn, pay up and fuck off.  And why the fuck have you still not bagged your fucking items?  And what is that gormless twat doing just looking like he’s had too many tablets instead of getting this stuff into bags while you’re fannying around getting the stuff that you should’ve got on you way around the store.

What

Are

You

Doing?

She returned with two bottles of pop.  At last!  Come on, get on with it.  Pay up, piss off.

And then she did it again, wandered off back into the store to buy a packet of biscuits.  WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK????

The final items were scanned and joined the pile of items that still hadn’t been bagged.  I pleaded with the assistant with my eyes.  Can’t you shoot them?  Or at least just get them removed from the store? Or just refuse to serve them? “Sorry, missus, you’ve had your chance, off you pop!”

E V E N T U A L L Y and v e r y  s l o w l y, the woman packed the items while the gormless mong accompanying her stood, hands in pockets, staring into space.  S h e  g o t  h e r  p u r s e  o u t  o f h e r  b a g  a n d  p a i d  f o r  t h e  g o o d s.  Good, fuck off, you annoying cunts, let me get on.

The assistant started scanning one of my five packets of pop, but couldn’t slide it down to the packing area because their bags were still there as they had a conversation with another woman who’d come to join them.  That’s right, you check your receipt, don’t mind me, don’t mind anybody but your stupid selfish selves.  Nearly all of my items had been scanned before I could move my trolley to the end of the till and start packing.  As I pulled out of my parking space to leave, they were still fannying around at their vehicle.

There should be a rule at supermarkets: once your stuff starts being scanned, that’s it.  No fucking off back into the store to get something you’ve “forgotten” because you’re a retard.

What the fuck is wrong with people?  Why are people like this even allowed anywhere near normal people?

Because this was Farnworth, and this is what Farnworth is like.  Before the little Tesco was built, the humans of Farnworth had their retail activities restricted to the Asda, shops and market in the town centre, but this store seems to have given them licence to leave the confines of that area and wander around where they can inflict the effects of their inbreeding on normal people.

I’m thinking of running for local government at some point.  As leader of Bolton Council, I will pass a motion to have all Farnworth residents fitted with explosive collars.  One wrong move, one foot outside of the “special zone” and KABLOOEEE!

The world will be a better place when I’m charge.  For me at least.