I posted a photo of tonight’s dinner on Facebook earlier as a veiled complaint about how much mess cooking creates in my bijou kitchen. It does, and it’s often difficult for others to appreciate the effort involved in preparing a meal and the post-apocalyptic aftermath of the clean-up operation when you’re only cooking for one. But sometimes, given a little forethought and planning, preparing a really lovely dish takes very little effort, time or expense. Still though, there’s only yourself to appreciate it and you’re the one who has to clean up the mess it generates.

Anyway (:@), somebody wanted the recipe and I’m certain that the four people who happen across this might some day give this a go themselves.

Four mushroom papardelle
Or is it five? Whatever.

Prep time: five minutes max
Cooking time: fifteen minutes ish
Eating time: about two minutes because it’s so fuckindelish that you’ll devour it, the only thing slowing you down will be grating of the parmesan and taking time to emit ecstatic moans

This is what it turns out like:

What you need (for about two people)

Big clove of garlic (or two), crushed
Bird eye chilli, chopped
Fresh sage leaves – handful, chopped
Chestnut mushrooms – about five, sliced
Shitake mushrooms (“shite ache”, never fails to amuse me) – about five, sliced
Oyster mushrooms – a good few, sliced
Those dried mushroom things in a bag – use half a bag and get them soaking in boiling water
Papardelle or similar lah-di-dah fancy schmancy ribbon pasta – 250g
Creme fraiche – half a tub? Who knows? Just enough, couple or three big dollops
Oil – sufficient
Butter – add a dollop
Salt & pepper
Parmesan cheesiness (fucking LOADS)

What to do

1. Fill a large saucepan ⅔ full with water and get it boiling for the pasta
2. When the water is boiling, add a good handful of salt and a dribble of oil and add the pasta
3. Slice the chestnut mushrooms, crush the garlic and chop the chilli and sage, then get them frying in a frying pan over a moderate heat. Get them started then add the sliced shitake mushrooms. Season with salt and pepper. Blah, blah, blah.
4. When the pasta has been cooking for about ten minutes (cooking time is usually about 12 mins), add some butter to the mushrooms, allow to melt, then add the oyster mushrooms and the soaked, dried mushrooms (save the soaking liquor back)
5. When the pasta is cooked, drain it and hold to one side
6. Add the dried mushroom juice to the mushroom medley and bring to a simmer before stirring in the creme fraiche

7. Mix in the cooked pasta

8. Serve, maybe garnished with some parsley… but not too chopped
9. Add grated parmesan to taste, replenishing the plate throughout the culinary experience
10. In other words, don’t be like a stingy bastard restaurant, keep the cheese on the table and grate at will
11. That’s to say, as much as you bloody well like

I tried this with some single cream that I had knocking about (going off) in the fridge and it was OK, but creme fraiche is actually really nice. I probably wouldn’t use any old “creme fraiche/single cream lookalike” that was knocking about the fridge though. I can’t image that this would be nice if you used Muller light yoghurt or mayonnaise. I can’t imagine anything that would be improved by the addition of mayonnaise… other than a really irritating person with an egg allergy.